Unable to Make Decisions: Part 1

I don’t know why I am plagued with indecision. Sometimes I feel like this has become my lot in life. Not long ago I had to make another choice. Here is how the story began:

All summer long I was thinking about whether or not I wanted to go back to teach again at Mt. Vernon. Early in the Summer I was convinced that I should find something else to do, even if it meant getting out of the field of education altogether. I got a call from a gentleman in Florida who heads a ministry for troubled teenagers. Amy and I both gave serious thought to going there for an interview. We chose not to, and in the end I believe we made the right decision on that one, but the process was daunting.

After attending the conference in Washington, D.C. this past summer, I felt a renewed interest in teaching. I was with a group of people who seemed to have vision, and it was exciting! I came home with a stronger desire to go back to the trenches, and be the best teacher I could be. Unfortunately, it didn’t take too long before I once again had that unsettling feeling of dissatisfaction. I began to look intently for someplace else. I found there were a few other positions at local schools needing science teachers, but none in which I felt a strong urge to apply.

Then, one morning, on a day when I had had about all the frustration I could take, with great intensity I knelt down and prayed that God would open a door. I really felt like God was going to answer that prayer. Soon after I went to the computer and found out that a church in Indiana was looking for a youth pastor. This may come as a surprise to some of you, but Amy and I once worked in this capacity several years ago. I called the pastor to inquire about the position, and to make a long story short, we found ourselves going for an interview, and being asked to come for a second interview. After a lot of soul searching, and long conversations, Amy and I reluctantly decided to not pursue the position further. At the end of the day, like so many times before, it just didn’t “feel” right. I can’t say that our decision was made with confidence. Honestly, we just didn’t know what to do, so we thought maybe we should just stay here. Perhaps we are both afraid and both have too little faith. Maybe we are both so far away from God that we just can’t discern his voice anymore. Either way the fear of leaving what we do have was just too overpowering.

So, how in the world did we get to this place? I suppose that story deserves its own post.