Insight Into Lonely Souls

I recently wrote a post that I have been hesitant to put up. Why? Well, it is a little depressing. I want people to see me as a positive person. Anyway, here it is. I hope I don’t get anyone down. So here it is:

Tonight I felt lonely. Maybe it was the cold. Maybe it was the situation. Maybe it was just life. It was just a lonely night. Here is how it all began.

A few weeks ago Amy and I decided that we needed to do something that was “ministry” minded. This goes quite well with the theme of our blog--Finding Our Place in Life. We have done a few things in the church, but nothing has ignited the passion that we have felt in the past. After hearing a sermon in which the preacher we basically, “try something to see if it works,” we decided once again to venture out into the “small group ministry.” A friend of Amy’s suggested we do a study with a popular book entitled, “Bad Women of the Bible.” As a man, it didn’t take long for me to realize this was really a women’s bible study. I decided to work from the sidelines, however, offering to make up the study guide, help Amy with questions, watch the kids, etc.

The first week Amy kept Callie at home, and I took Cassidy to church. Although I enjoyed getting to spend time with just me and Cassidy, it didn’t quite seem right. For whatever reason, we have not made a lot of close connections at church, and it was really apparent this particular evening. At the dinner before service, Cassidy and I ate by ourselves. I took her to class, then went into the sanctuary and sat by myself. I picked Cassidy up, we walked the long corridor to the car, and then she fell asleep during the drive home. Not a very exciting evening. Spiritually fulfilling yes, but seriously lacking something.

The next Wednesday, I decided to go to the high school, and Amy’s mom came and got the children. This was the plan tonight as well. So why was it so lonely?

To begin with, I went to McDonalds and ate by myself. I enjoy watching people, so I didn’t think this would get me depressed. I spent a good while watching some old people, and listening to them talk about a variety of topics. They talked about their health, and the high cost of living today. They reminisced about days gone by, and spoke of the hardness of this world. I became sad. Then came in what appeared to be a single mother with her children. She was having a really rough time with them, and looked rather stressed. About that time, a man and his son walked in. He spent a lot of time talking on his cell phone to a guy about how he hoped the divorce rate had increased “up there,” and how his friend was going to find out for him. I gathered he was seeking to find a divorced woman to help him raise his son. I then looked around and saw a several single people with children. I’m sure they were not all divorced, but I am certain many of them were. How sad is that? My heart really went out for the kids growing up in all those broken homes.

After that, I went to the high school. Our campus is a lonely place at night. My room is cold, and badly needs painting. Everything looks dirty. I have duck tape on the floor to protect the chords on the floor. They gave me chord protectors, but the kids kept tripping over them. The duct tape is safer. So anyway, Amy called and said that no one showed up. What a deal.

Surely things are going to get better, right? At least we still have our resolve. I am 100% sure there is something out there that will drive us with desire. There is some kind of ministry, or service, or something that we will one day be involved with that will really make life worth living! I think we are getting closer, but only time will tell. We didn’t find our place in life today, but I guess that means we are just one day closer!

UPDATE: Things are much better than they were that night. This past week Amy had a huge success with her group Bible study. I’m very proud of her.