Tonight I read a book I have not picked up in ten years. The book is called, “Love For a Lifetime” by James Dobson. Dr. Dobson is the host of the radio program Focus on the Family. He is a conservative Christian who I greatly admire and respect. Over the past several years I have read many of his books and consider him to be a great leader in the defense of family, marriage, and other institutions I hold in high regard.
Amy and I got this book when we first got married. It is very interesting how ten years can change one’s perspective. Dr. Dobson talks about so much in the book that I didn’t pay much attention to the first time I read it. For example, he warns men against becoming a silent introvert in marriage. How many husbands today unknowingly struggle in this area? As an example, he recites the lyrics from a Paul Simon song where the artist paints a vivid picture of shielding himself from the outside world. A couple of the lines go like this:
“I am a rock, I am an island…I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain, its laughter and its loving I disdain…I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died. If I never loved I never would have cried…hiding in my room, safe within my womb. I touch no one and no one touches me. I am a rock, I am an island.”
Dobson also gives advice about money, sex, and an especially interesting chapter called The Marriage Killers. I found this chapter relevant mostly because of a couple we know who recently got divorced. We had known them for many years, but as friendships often go, we had somewhat grown apart. Amy and I did our best to keep the relationship alive, many times inviting them over for supper, but they seemed just too busy. After a while we stopped asking. Then, one day out of the blue, we heard they had separated, and about a week later we heard they went up and got a divorce. How quickly life changes. Dobson lists 12 marriage killers:
1. Over-commitment and physical exhaustion
2. Excessive credit and conflict over how money will be spent
3. Selfishness
4. Interference from in-laws
5. Unrealistic expectations
6. Space invaders (here he talks about jealousy, needy spouses, etc.)
7. Alcohol or substance abuse
8. Pornography, gambling, and other addictions
9. Sexual frustrations, loneliness, low self-esteem, and the greener grass of infidelity
10. Business failure
11. Business success
12. Getting married too young
I’m not sure how many of these, if any, our friends had. We watched them take their vows, and now they just threw it all away. I don’t judge them. Marriage is difficult at times. Sometimes really difficult. But I do know that Amy and I want our marriage to be strong, and free from as many marriage killers as possible. I can’t help but wonder how many of our other friends have some of these deadly combinations in their marriages even today. How many couples do we know who will take the path of broken vows, custody battles, alimony, child support, attorney fees, sleepless nights, and as Dobson straightly puts it, “broken dreams.” I hope none, but statistically I know different. Maybe this book can help.
About the picture. I know it says 2006, but since I don't have a scanner, I used the camera to take a picture of a picture. It was actually taken around January of 1996. Can you see the firecat? Alright, well I got excited about taking pictures of pictures, and so here are a few more, mostly from the early 90's. The pictures just didn't seem right without a caption, and how many of you will really care where and when they were taken (even if I could remember). So, I thought I would show you what a poor poet I am:
He liked to play music, and she was so shy.
The music would stay, and the shyness would leave
And then to each other, both would they cleave.And so would begin, a new life, a new chapter,
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